I Love You, Daddy

PEACE OUT

Rob died a year ago today. I started to write about him one month later and promised to stop on the anniversary of his death. And, just like that, here we are.

I had a lot of ideas about how to end this thing—going to the cemetery and leaving rocks on his headstone, revisiting the last time I saw him, taking a one-year AA chip—but then I realized that there’s really only one way out. I wrote the ending 20 years ago in the Esquire story about adopting Robbie, never thinking that I’d ever have a reason to use it again.

***

You are the sand, little boy, and I will always be the water.

And that was where I intended to end this letter until you came padding into the room in your G.I. Joe pajamas. “What are you writing about?” you asked. And when I told you it was a story about you, you asked, “Is it going to be in a big magazine?”

And I said, “Yeah, how do you feel about that?”

And you said, “Scared.”

And I said, “How come?”

And you said, “Because I’m going to be in it alone.”

And I said, “No you won’t. I’ll be in it with you.”

And you said, “I love you daddy.”

And that’s when I had to stop writing.

7 thoughts on “I Love You, Daddy

  1. I can’t believe it’s been one year. So sad. We have all changed from a year ago in all different ways. I try everyday to make it a point to do a kindness for someone. I thank Rob for that. I thank you Larry for letting me in on the good and the bad. I miss my friend Caryn that I knew a year ago, but I am also blessed to be important enough in her life that she thanks me for just being me, helping her re-live.
    I love you my friend. I am ALWAYS here for u too. 💜🍀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey Larry, with a heavy heart I am writing to you to let you know you, Caryn and Zach are deeply loved. I wanted to send you a poem Robbie wrote to me right before his last days but I had my settings on my phone messages set to “delete after a year” and when I went to pull up mine and Robbies convo, it disappeared. I’m so upset I called Apple but they couldn’t do anything about recovering our texts because I didn’t have my messages backed up to iCloud. Anyways I’m trying so hard to remember his writing. And I’m sure you would appreciate it. I wanted to wait to send it but now I can’t. Maybe it’s Robbies way of him saying it’s meant to be. Love you Larry. Not much more I could do or say when we all have these emotions going on today.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you, Larry, for sharing your beautiful thoughts and memories during such a difficult time in your life. I’m truly going to miss reading your blog. Wishing you the best.
    Marcia

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for sharing all these! I met Robbie in 2017. It wasn’t for a long time but I will always cherish the moments I spent with him. We had this thing at work that whenever we would have an annoying moment we would just tell each other to smile and normally we would snap out of it and laugh it off. But there was this one day when I was over it, he told me to smile but I told him I was done. Robbie being Robbie left a little surprise on my work station. It was a Kit Kat(my favorite chocolate) with a little note that said “smile :)” I instantly smiled. If it wasn’t for that I would have probably quit that day.
    I still have one of his lighters we traded because he really liked one I had and wanted it for his collection.

    Like

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