I Love You, Daddy

PEACE OUT

Rob died a year ago today. I started to write about him one month later and promised to stop on the anniversary of his death. And, just like that, here we are.

I had a lot of ideas about how to end this thing—going to the cemetery and leaving rocks on his headstone, revisiting the last time I saw him, taking a one-year AA chip—but then I realized that there’s really only one way out. I wrote the ending 20 years ago in the Esquire story about adopting Robbie, never thinking that I’d ever have a reason to use it again.

***

You are the sand, little boy, and I will always be the water.

And that was where I intended to end this letter until you came padding into the room in your G.I. Joe pajamas. “What are you writing about?” you asked. And when I told you it was a story about you, you asked, “Is it going to be in a big magazine?”

And I said, “Yeah, how do you feel about that?”

And you said, “Scared.”

And I said, “How come?”

And you said, “Because I’m going to be in it alone.”

And I said, “No you won’t. I’ll be in it with you.”

And you said, “I love you daddy.”

And that’s when I had to stop writing.

6 thoughts on “I Love You, Daddy

  1. I can’t believe it’s been one year. So sad. We have all changed from a year ago in all different ways. I try everyday to make it a point to do a kindness for someone. I thank Rob for that. I thank you Larry for letting me in on the good and the bad. I miss my friend Caryn that I knew a year ago, but I am also blessed to be important enough in her life that she thanks me for just being me, helping her re-live.
    I love you my friend. I am ALWAYS here for u too. 💜🍀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey Larry, with a heavy heart I am writing to you to let you know you, Caryn and Zach are deeply loved. I wanted to send you a poem Robbie wrote to me right before his last days but I had my settings on my phone messages set to “delete after a year” and when I went to pull up mine and Robbies convo, it disappeared. I’m so upset I called Apple but they couldn’t do anything about recovering our texts because I didn’t have my messages backed up to iCloud. Anyways I’m trying so hard to remember his writing. And I’m sure you would appreciate it. I wanted to wait to send it but now I can’t. Maybe it’s Robbies way of him saying it’s meant to be. Love you Larry. Not much more I could do or say when we all have these emotions going on today.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you, Larry, for sharing your beautiful thoughts and memories during such a difficult time in your life. I’m truly going to miss reading your blog. Wishing you the best.
    Marcia

    Liked by 1 person

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