Life Rolls On and All that Crap  

Rob & Lar

In the Coroner’s Report, there was an unredacted phone number next to the name of the female friend who was with Rob the night he killed himself. I tried calling it a few times, but just like on Rob’s phone, the voicemail wasn’t set up. So I’ve been texting her once a month, hoping that she might respond.

Hi Jillian, my name’s Larry Carlat. I’m Rob’s dad. I’m reaching out to see if you’d be kind enough to talk to me–on the phone or in-person–about the night Rob died. I’m not looking to jam anyone up. I really just want to know the series of events that led Rob to do what he did. I had lunch with him the day before and didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, other than he had looked tired. I realize that this is an incredibly traumatic experience to have endured and I’m sorry that you had to witness it, but I’m hoping that by talking with me, you may be able to provide some closure for my family. Thank you!

***

Hi Jillian, this is Rob’s dad again. I’m sorry for this intrusion but I’d really appreciate it if you could clear some things up for me. I’ve received reports from the coroner and police and still have some questions about what led Rob to do what he did. As I said before, I’m not looking to get anyone in trouble, I really just want to know the truth about what happened that night. I know nothing can bring Rob back to us, but knowing what went down may provide his family and friends a small measure of comfort. As I said before, I’d be happy to meet in person, talk on the phone or just text with you. I know this whole thing is terribly fucked up and I’m sorry that you had to witness it and endure the aftermath.

***

Hi Jillian, it’s Rob’s dad again. I’m not sure if you’re getting these messages or if this is even your number, but if you are indeed reading this, I’m going to try one more time to convince you to talk to me about the night Rob died. As I’ve said before, I’m not interested in getting anyone in trouble. I really just want to know what happened. I know Rob was in a very bad way and I guess I’m just looking for some way to explain the unexplainable. I’m hoping that being a friend of Rob’s may still mean something to you and that you can understand how important it is for me and his family–who loved him with all of our hearts–to find some closure and peace. Again, I’m so sorry that you had to deal with this, and I know I’m asking a lot and it must be incredibly uncomfortable, but I’m still hoping that you can find the courage and kindness in your heart to talk to me.

***

Hi Jillian, it’s Rob’s dad. This is the last time I’ll annoy you. Rob’s been gone for four months now and I miss him every day and every day still hurts like hell. But I now realize that nothing you say can make that hurt go away. I thought if I knew what Rob was thinking on that fucked up night or if you told me that it was some kind of an accident or something…I don’t know, I don’t know what I thought you could possibly tell me that would make me feel any better. Rob’s dead and we just have to live with it. Life rolls on and all that crap. I wish you well and I’m sorry to have bothered you.

3 thoughts on “Life Rolls On and All that Crap  

  1. This is heartbreaking, I’ve prayed for the opportunity to get to speak with her to get some answers.
    I know it may never happen (esp since I don’t have her name or number), but I have faith that eventually the feelings she is experiencing will catch up with her & she will be compelled to speak to one of us.

    The song “Fix you” by Coldplay had me in absolute tears the other night as I read your piece prior to this one.

    “Fear is the heart of love, life rolls on”

    Liked by 1 person

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