I keep asking myself Why?
Why did Rob do it?
Why did he do it the way that he did it?
Why did he do it this time and not the other times when he threatened to do it?
Why didn’t he let me help him this time?
Why didn’t we have an honest conversation about how he was feeling?
Why did he decide not to be here anymore?
Why did he think it would be okay for all of us who loved him to be here without him?
Why wasn’t all of our love for him enough to keep him here with us?
Why would Rob break our hearts knowing that what he did would break our hearts?
Why do I simultaneously feel both a crushing weight and unfathomable emptiness each day without him?
Why am I asking these questions that have no satisfactory answers?
Why am I asking these questions when there’s nothing we can do to bring him back?
Why is it futile to ask why?